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Every sex party is different. It may be in a guy's apartment, in a venue (warehouse, sex club, bathhouse), or in a semi-permanent, privately owned meetup space (a guy's apartment he uses frequently for sex parties).
Sex clubs have expected mess. If you get lube all over a rubber mattress in a private sex room, wipe it off before leaving. Someone else wants to use it after you. If you're at an apartment party, always clean up after yourself -- it's extremely disrespectful to your host to leave a mess, and you risk not getting invited back.
Most venues have zero tolerance for drugs. You may still find drugs there, and finding drunk/high people is almost a guarantee, but bringing substances into the venue is a massive risk -- one that can get you permanently banned or arrested. If you're going to a private party, ask the host what the drug policy is. Some sex parties are sober-only. Others welcome certain drugs (like alcohol) but not others. Some sex parties are oriented around specific drugs. Ask explicitly what will be happening at the party before you go.
If there is one, sign up. If you're at an official sex club or venue, their emails will alert you of special nights, which always draw better turnout that regular weeknights. A special DJ may be coming, or it may be a special monthly bareback party (like CumUnion, which happens across the country; look and see if there's a CumUnion in your city). Some regular sex parties at private spaces also have email or text lists to keep guys in the loop.
Some sex parties in private spaces are huge. You'd be amazed how many guys can fit into a New York City apartment. These spaces are "private" in the fact that they belong to someone and are not an official venue, but a hundred men may pass through them in a night.
In some cities, we bypass venues and organize large "private" fuck fests -- bigger than a Grindr group, smaller than a sex club. They may be invite-only, or you may need to "know a guy." You may hear of them via word of mouth. They may have email lists you can join in order to be informed when the next one is happening.
Some establishments allow or encourage sex in specific group sex areas. In some jurisdictions such activity is prohibited, and sex must be confined to private rooms. Some forbid sex in pools for hygiene reasons. In the United Kingdom, the requirement is often set by the local authority's Environmental Health department.
In California the "Consenting Adult Sex Bill", passed in January 1976, made gay bathhouses and the sex that took place within them legal for the first time. During the 1970s, the two most popular gay bathhouses in San Francisco, both located in the SOMA neighborhood, were the Ritch Street Health Club at 330 Ritch St., the interior of which was designed like a Minoan palace, and The Barracks, a BDSM bathhouse at 72 Hallam near Folsom in which each room was designed to accommodate a different BDSM sexual fantasy. In 1978 a group of police officers raided the Liberty Baths in the Polk Gulch neighborhood of San Francisco and arrested three patrons for "lewd conduct in a public place", but the District Attorney's office soon dropped the charges against them. In 1984, however, fear of AIDS caused the San Francisco Health department, with the support of some gay activists such as Randy Shilts, and against the opposition of other gay activists, to ask the courts to close gay bathhouses in the city. The court, under Judge Roy Wonder, instead issued a court order that limited sexual practices and disallowed renting of private rooms in bathhouses, so that sexual activity could be monitored, as a public health measure. Some of the bathhouses tried to live within the strict rules of this court order, but many of them felt they could not easily do business under the new rules and closed. Eventually, the few remaining actual bathhouses succumbed to either economic pressures or the continuing legal pressures of the city and finally closed. Several sex clubs, which were not officially bathhouses, continued to operate indefinitely and operate to this day, though following strict rules under the court order and city regulations. Bathhouses themselves, however, operate just outside the city, thus outside of their laws, such as in Berkeley and San Jose.
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